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This year marks a full decade since the term “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop contact with a lover without a word seemed like the peak of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently fruitless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive breakdown to the terms Zoomers is using to navigate romance, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's response is engaged or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to couples who opt out of parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal habits indicating a prospective partner is bad news. For instance calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks affirm your choice to date a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful display.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {